Living with an Eating Disorder is extremely painful and challenging. Every day we can wake up feeling defeated before the day has even begun. Your relationship between food and your body is a unique one. I don’t think people realize how much food and body image issues affect each other. You can start to scrutinize over each piece of food you eat and if you look a certain way. You can also start to use other forms of taking care of how you look; for instance, you can work out obsessively, throw up after eating, limit the amount of food you eat to the point that you are hungry all the time, and with all of that you still see a distorted picture.
It can also be that you binge eat and beat yourself up over what you ate. I know from working with clients in this area that you would never say these things to another person, and if you did, you would no longer be friends. Why is it that you find yourself allowing this type of “self-talk” be okay but not with anyone else? Would you allow a friend talk to you this way? Would you stick around that person? I don’t think you would. I think eventually you would tell this person to leave your life and that you could no longer be friends. I wonder why you can’t do this with yourself and when you are presented with the freedom to do so, you eventually say “no, I rather pick this horrible message back up.”
This isn’t to say that those who suffer from an eating disorder are the only ones who live this way. If I think about it, everyone who has come through my office talks to themselves this way, in fact, when presented with a new of living they reject it at first. So, how to start living in freedom with your eating disorder? That is right, I said WITH your eating disorder. I think it is a myth to say that you will be free FROM your eating disorder, in fact even when you are free; you will still notice all of the messages and patterns that come up from time to time. However, instead of being in the movie, you can watch it go by as you create new scenes.
So, freedom does not come easily, in fact, it is fucking hard, and so worth it. You can start to live life in a new way, you can start to depend on new ways to cope and learn that food helps you merely survive. Through working together you can find all of the different parts of yourself that have been quieted and start to build a relationship with them. It doesn’t mean that you will like the parts; however, bringing them into the light is how you can move on and find a new relationship with food and your body.
